Tuesday, October 11, 2011

How do you make these changes?

I have my flaws, I know I do.  I won't argue with anyone about that.  I can be extremely short tempered, especially with certain things...and with people that I have expectations from.  I don't tolerate stupid very well.  I hold people to the same standards I hold myself to, so I tend to get disappointed.  I am high strung. 
Like everyone else, I like things done my way.   The older I get, the better I get about it, but also the worse I get.  I like to get input, I like to learn, I like to research...but sometimes, it's my way or the highway. 
Because I'm so hard on myself, I'm hard on others.  Once my trust or respect has been broken, it's so hard for me to allow trust, and for someone to build respect back.  I can be nice and civil, but for that wall to come down again...it takes time and action. 
I'm sure all of this comes with what my husband has diagnosed as OCD, yes, Dr J has officially diagnosed me with OCD.  lol

I read blogs and I think, "Wow, this person is so sweet.  They never get mad, they have no temper.  Why can't I be more like that?"  I know that what I'm reading isn't 100% of the person writing.  I know that what readers get is whatever the blogger wants us to read.  But, still, if someone is that peachy and sweet on their blog, that Christian, that close to God...I want to learn how to be that way.  I truly do.  But, how do you do that? 
How do you overhaul yourself?  "Fix" your flaws? 
Whose blog inspired me to think about this?  Megan, over at Mackey Madness, with her beautifully written Truths about marriage.  Seriously, go check her out.  She's inspirational.

Then, while searching for new bloggers to follow, I ran across a new blog with this fabulous painting and quote:
It really makes you think.  Can you do that?  Can I do that?  I'd like to think that I am a kind person, a nice person.  A kind person with flaws, I'll admit, but a kind, nice person.  Stop and think about it.  Think about the person who cuts you off in traffic, or in the grocery store line.  Think about the person in the restaurant who wont get off of the phone, keeps yammering on making everyone listen to their jibber-jabber, slowing down the line.  Can you find it in you to be nice to that person?  I know it will be hard for me, but I'm going to try to make a conscious effort to be nicer. 
By nice, I don't mean let people run me over or walk on me.  I just think I could let some of the negativity go.  I want to still be me.  I like me.  I have been through too much, to mold me into who I am, made too many mistakes, learned from those mistakes, to not like me, and not want to change me.  I mean, my husband and family love me, friends love me, so of course I don't want to change me...I just want to better me. 
I want to be more Christian.  I am very judgmental, just like everyone!  Don't sit there and pretend that you aren't.  Some folks just voice it louder than most.  I don't understand the denominations who say they were saved and since they were saved (usually around 13-14 years old) they haven't passed judgement on anyone or anything for any reason.  I just have a hard time with that.  It's not impossible, I understand that, but highly improbable if you ask me.  Good thing I'm not a follower/believer of these denominations!  I would fail miserably.
I swear, sometimes like a sailor, and I really need to work on that.  I'll do really well for a day, then it's Potty Mouth Central the next day. 
I need to be less quick to anger, extend my fuse some.  I can be a hot-head. 
Problem is, I just don't know how to do these things.  I know it'll be like a habit I'm trying to break...because that's pretty much what behaviors are...habits gone bad!!  When I quit smoking, I just locked myself in my house for 3 days knowing that if I drove passed a gas station I would stop for a pack.  It worked, I haven't smoked since, not even one puff in 5ish years (sadly, I can't remember when I quit, it was either April 2005 or 2006.  Pretty sure it's been 6 years, since 05!  Anyway...).  But, you can't do that with behaviors you have had for practically your whole life...can you?


  1. I can definitely be quick to anger sometimes!! The only thing that helps me keep my patience is prayer!! I have spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to mold me into a representation of Him, yet I still fail over and over!

    Thanks so much for the shout out to me! : ) You are the best!!

  2. that's the answer, I need to stop for a minute then pray. Thank you!