Friday, June 10, 2011

You do WHAT with that?!

My dear husband, dear dear husband, has some serious smarts.  Really, I'm not bragging, he's a smarty.  However, being a male in his early 20s and growing up in a fairly small family, he's not been around infants nearly the way I have.  I've never had a baby, but I've been around enough infants, enough mothers, to know a few things.  By no means do I think I'm any sort of baby expert, but...

J is about to become an uncle for the first time, literally about to...Samantha's due any day now.  So, for Christmas since we were at a loss as to what to get his brother or sister-in-law we chose to look for something for the baby.  Off to Target we go, through a few aisles in the baby section.  I'm looking for baby monitors, or seriously considering getting several bath things and a tub to make it all one gift.  As we're walking he's picking up things and asking what they are, what they're used for.  Kid leash, we discuss the fact that my family kept all of us kids on them, strung together, during a trip to the aquarium in Seattle.  Baby sling things, discussed laziness vs handiness...remember we haven't either of us had a child ourselves so we can have these discussions lol.  I even considered breast pumps, knowing that Sam plans on breast feeding...considered being the key word here, until I saw the price on those suckers items.  As we're on the breast pump/bottle aisle, J spots a product and starts giggling.  I swear, he was like a pubescent boy.  "Nipple basket?!"  more giggles.  I have to explain to him the use of a nipple basket in the dishwasher.  Just one row up from the basket, horror comes across his face, "Wh-wha-what is a nipple brush?"  Oh dear husband of mine.  I explain to him that no, it is not a cleaning tool for a body part as he suspected, but a cleaning tool for the bottle nipple.  We got several terrible glares while I'm laughing at him, tears streaming down my face, and he's laughing at himself.

Fast forward a few months, walking through the food section at Walmart, passing the baby area...I notice J eying the nursery water jugs with this confused look on his face.  "Honey, what are you looking at?"  And, I'm not joking when I say that he asked me what the jugs were for.  "Water.  Water for bottles or whatever, it's nursery water, distilled water"  Now, I was confused, he's smart, why isn't this sinking in for him?  "OH!  There's water in the jugs?  It's sold in the jugs?"   Now I'm cracking up, asked him if he can't see the water in them.  We got closer and he finally saw the water.  "Oh, I thought they were just jugs to store breast milk in"  Geez, J!  How much breast milk do you think a woman makes and how long do you think it keeps?!  Again, tears are pouring down my face as I laugh at him.

We have also discussed cloth diapering, he's appalled at the idea of how you clean the dirty ones.

With all of the baby talk in his family, he has learned what an episiotomy is, and you can only imagine the look on his face during that conversation with his mother, aunt, grandmother, sis-in-law, and myself.

But, I still think what takes the cake is the nipple brush.  And, come to find out, his brother, the daddy-to-be, had to have the use of a nipple brush explained to him!  Aaaahhh, brothers, usually they are from different planets, but not when it comes to nipple brushes.

Lord help me when it's our turn.  I'm going to need an instruction manual to give to him.

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