Pierce update, and my life...

Mr Adorable had to go back on some oxygen in the wee early hours this morning.  When he sleeps his oxygen saturation drops too low; his nurse last night suggested he may have to go on the oxygen, that she would wait and see.  After I left, I called J and talked to him and we agreed that we'd rather him go on it as soon as he showed he needed the help instead of wait.  His nurse seemed relieved to hear it and called me at  11 and said she was going to go ahead and get him on oxygen.
So, small set back, but if we can get him over what may be the last little hurdle...we can get him HOME.

Pierce and I had our first experience with breastfeeding yesterday, it was successful!  He feeds well, and I knew we wouldn't have problems on my end...I've been pumping since day 1 and could give a prize winning dairy cow a run for her money!  lol  Seriously, I take milk to the hospital every other day, and less than an entire days worth of pumping, and that usually feeds him for over two days.  I freeze the rest.  We have PLENTY lol.  I plan to keep that up too, it's working so why mess with a good thing.
I may write later about the awkwardness that was the breastfeeding lesson from the lactation consultant, if I find the time.  As it is, I really should be sleeping, instead I'm blogging in the dark next to J who is sound asleep.

Pierce certainly doesn't have a problem eating, he finishes off his 2 ounce bottles in 15 minutes.  I've been going to the hospital alone the past few days because of J's schedule between work and school, so Pierce and I have a nice little routine going.  Temperature check, diaper change, bottle, rock to sleep.  He's so precious.

A few pictures for you guys, then I'll answer the second most asked question: How are you doing?  Or, How are you holding up?

Can't see his hand through his sleeve, but he was  pushing his paci in his mouth

First day in clothes!  Those hands just kill me, he keeps them up close to his chin always

Yesterday, wearing the cap Daddy picked out and LOVES, it has adorable ears on it

Another from today, and again with those hands. Love his little mouth, so cute

Daddy's first time feeding Pierce...he's since found a more comfortable way to hold him lol

Today, very nervous holding him because he's used to nurses being around.  I've been there so much and do so much of his care that the nurses just let me do, so Daddy was pretty nervous without a "professional" close by

Someone is seriously in love...
they both sat there and looked at each other, just absorbing one another

Had to grab a self portrait, since J doesn't take pics of much lol, and I'm there a lot by myself and not asking a nurse to take pics of me...somehow I find that embarrassing.

And, now to me...since so many folks ask.

A week ago or so, a friend offered me her ear or shoulder whenever I needed it.  She's known me, and known me well, for 16 years.  She's seen me go through a lot of things I've never talked about on this blog.  Some of you know a bit of my adult past (nothing like drugs or boozing or anything, just personal choices I made that were mistakes I learned from and lead me right to where I am...so I regret nothing) and maybe one day I'll open up on here and disclose a bit more, but not now.
I asked this friend, "how many times have you ever seen me break?"  she replied, "Never, but I'm here for you"  I appreciate that, I really do.  And, I have broken, this has broken me...many many times, in the longest two weeks of my life.  But, the only person who sees it is J.  He's the only person I'll allow to see it.  For some reason, I'm telling you guys this...but I'm human.  I'm not as strong as I want everyone to think, I do break.

I have cried more, prayed more, worried more, in the last two weeks than in my entire life combined.  Every day J sees me with tears in my eyes and hears me say, "I just want our baby home".  I'm crying as I write.  Just keeping it real, hoping that getting it out will help.  J knows when I need a hug, or just need to hear, "I know, me too".  We've seen each other at our weakest in these two weeks.  We just hang on tighter to each other.

I hate to say I was raised to fend for myself, because that sounds so cold.  My family wasn't/isn't cold.  We are just very independent people, and that's how I was raised to be.  Depend on yourself.  So, I do.  I haven't really reached out to many people.  I don't want pity, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for Pierce or for us.  I'd rather folks take that same energy and pray for Pierce to come home, a healthy little boy...or just for more strength for us.  That's all.
The pity, and hearing "I'm so sorry you're going through this" or the like just makes me incredibly uncomfortable.  We are going through this, we can't change that.  We couldn't prevent this, we couldn't see it coming.
You must always March On.  One foot in front of the other, keep going.  Head up, keep moving.  If you don't, what happens?  I don't know, I've never not Marched On.  I guess I'm afraid to stop, to see what happens when you don't put one foot in front of the other, when you don't keep going.  When you let your head droop.  I don't want to know.

So, that's what I do.  March On.  Yes, I'm sad that I'm not interacting with my dear friends as much.  I try, as best as I know how at this point.  I seem to be turning in towards myself more right now, less outgoing.  That depend on yourself bit.  I have amazing friends, who would hold me up...I just won't allow anyone else to hold me up.  J is my support, J sees my vulnerability.  I don't know why I don't lean on anyone else, I guess it's also part of our dynamic.  We turn to each other for support.  If you can't get support from your spouse, who in the hell can you get it from?
I don't think I've even really cracked with my mom or grandmother...and those two women would be the ones I would crack to.  I've sent a few texts to very good friends during bad bad moments.  But I don't think I've sent many.  I just don't do that...
I don't want to talk on the phone, answer the same questions over and over.  Rude?  Yeah, I'm sure.  But, I think it's saving my sanity.

My day literally looks like this:
7am: wake up, get ready...pump
745am: leave
8am: hospital
9 or even 10am: leave for home (thank goodness it's only a 15 minute drive)...pump
11am: since we have one car, get J to class (M-Thurs)
1145am: head back to the hospital
Noon: hospital
1pm: leave for home or to pick up J, depending on the day and his class schedule...pump
330pm: leave for hospital
4pm: hospital
5-530pm: leave for home or to pick up J, again depending on the day...and again, depending on the day, get him to work
6-730pm: home, catch up on housework, maybe catch a nap if I'm lucky...pump
730pm: leave for hospital
8pm: hospital
9-10pm: leave for home...pump
midnight: bedtime
1am: wake up to pump
4am: wake up to pump
7am: start all over again.

I don't have time to do anything but March On.

Pierce's day nurse today asked me when I sleep, when am I resting.  I told her I don't miss any of his CARES times (not sure if it's an acronym or what, but CARES is when they change his diaper, feed him, basically time to interact with him.  Keeps me from having to worry about waking him and keeping him from his rest since they'll be waking him anyway), and I get around 5 hours of sleep a night, and might catch a 20 minute nap during the day.  She told me I needed to try to get more sleep.  It was a very polite conversation, and she understood when I told her I just couldn't bring myself to miss a CARES time, I had thought about it, but couldn't do it.  Yes, I'd love to sleep in, but that would mean missing time with Pierce.

The 2nd day I was keeping this schedule, only 6 days out from a c-section, I had a panic attack thinking J & I would be late and not be able to see Pierce.  I was driving like a mad-woman, crying, sobbing.  J was freaking out, when I say driving like a mad-woman...it was bad.  And, it was all over just the mere thought that we wouldn't have time to see him before they close the NICU for quiet time from 1-3pm.
So, you see, I can't bring myself to miss any time.

I just go, on autopilot.  When he comes home, I hope to resume being a good friend to people.  It'll happen, I know it'll come back, but I just hope I can become that good friend that people rely on to always be there to talk, I just hope it comes back quickly.  I hope my friends understand.  If they don't...I'll be sad to see them go, and I'll miss them, but if you can't understand why I'm M.I.A right now...I don't need you.

Ok, maybe I'm pretty cold.  that last statement is cold, but it's the truth.

With J going to school full time, working full time, and Pierce in the NICU, I have no choice but to March On.
If I want to be a good mother to Pierce, a good wife to J, I have no choice but to March On.

So, March On...

Quick update

Do you see anything on my baby's face?

CPAP WAS REMOVED THIS MORNING!!

Along with his feeding tube!

The only thing left on him are his monitors that monitor respirations and oxygen saturation.

I got to the NICU and found him in a swing, happy and swinging away!  His CPAP was knocked completely off of his face and he was breathing fine, oxygen saturation just fine.

His nurse, happened to be my FAVORITE nurse he's had so I was excited to see her, came around and saw that his CPAP was knocked off as well.

I held him to bottle feed him, so sweet.

When the doctors and nurses made their group rounds they said to take him off of the CPAP!!  

The machine is still there, just in case he needs it.

But, I believe my boy is good to go!

God is awesome!

Thank you for the prayers, please keep them coming for him!

We're hoping he'll be home within a week!!!

His due date is exactly a week away, on Labor Day!

He's 39 weeks adjusted gestational age, and 1 week 5 days old today!

And oh boy, what a week it's been!!

We're still trucking along...

I'm still alive, Pierce is still doing well in the NICU, J is still surviving going to school full time and working full time...all while balancing trying to sleep and see his son.

That's pretty much our life right now, we visit Pierce at the NICU every day at 8, 12, 4, & 8.  Spend about an hour there each time, travel time round trip is 30 minutes, so 2.5 hours at home between each visit in which I pump and try to keep the apartment from looking like a homeless camp (seriously, it's not nearly that bad, but trying to keep my head above water takes some effort).

Pierce is doing well.  He's still on oxygen and CPAP.  He's down to 23/24% oxygen, we're trying to get him down to 21% which is room air oxygen levels.  He can tolerate 21% for a few hours, then his oxygen saturation dips too low (low 90s) and they bump it back up to 23/24% and he's just fine.  He has to get to room air and do well before his CPAP pressure gets turned down and he starts to wean off of that.  So, he's being quite stubborn and hanging on to that last few bits of oxygen.  Which, is just fine because he was SO SO very sick.
Pierce is acting more like an average newborn, waking at meal times, crying when his diaper is changed, fussing when he's generally unhappy about something.  Generally unhappy usually means that his paci isn't in his mouth.  Ya'll, he is so cute, he sucks on his paci like Maggie Simpson...makes that sucking sound, it's hilarious.
He has gone from eating 40ml to 60ml (2 ounces) in just the last 24 hours.  The 40ml just was not enough for him, he was getting hungry before the 4 hour mark.  I'm sure he won't keep the every 4 hour schedule when he gets home, and it'll be more like 3 hours, but things are different in the NICU.
Pierce is awake and alert most of the time when we're there, and we don't leave until he's asleep or right about there.  I just can't bring myself to leave when he's awake.

We got to hold him for about an hour or more last night.  His night nurse doesn't see the point in letting a baby lay in the bed and fuss, cry, and get all worked up when if he's held and content he gets better use of his oxygen and CPAP.  So, she got us a rocker and we took turns rocking him.  He slept like a log and his oxygen saturation was high the whole time.
I've wanted to hold him for those very reasons for so long, I knew that being in his parents arms would be so beneficial to him, but I also understand that he has to be very stable for us to be able to do so.  I'm excited that he's that stable now!!  Pierce is a fighter!

I'll add pictures soon, promise...just have to head off to the NICU to tell my tiny love good night!

Please continue to pray, and know I am eternally grateful for everyone who is praying and has been praying. I firmly believe that he is as well as he is because of all of the prayers he's been getting from across this country!!

The most precious moment of my life

We went for Pierce's 8pm visit.  We walked in and did not see something BIG....

NO MORE VENTILATOR!! 

He has a little CPAP in his nose blowing constant air and pressure with 35% oxygen.  The night nurse had literally just changed him over to the CPAP.  Poor little fella was still upset from having the vent tube removed from his throat.  He was doing his best to cry.  It was the cutest hoarse, mouse cry you've ever heard.
She looked at us and said, "want to hold him?" Tears, immediately.  I nearly ran to get gowns from the front of the NICU.
I came back and the nurse swaddled him up tight, got us seated and situated his IV, feeding tube, and CPAP tubes so we could hold him.

As soon as that precious baby was placed in my arms I couldn't stop the tears from falling.  The single most amazing moment of my life.
His birth was great, but they rushed him off so quickly, I only pecked his cheek and saw him for 5 minutes the first 24 hours of his life.  In the delivery room, he had aspirated so much amniotic fluid he couldn't cry really.  We could definitely tell that something wasn't right.
So, hearing that squeeky hoarse cry, having him calm down immediately in my arms...I can't describe it, other than the most precious moment of my life.  Hands down.  Nothing comes close.

We got to hold him on his 1 week birthday.  Best family birthday gift ever.  Thank you, God.  He got a fabulous birthday gift too!  No more ventilator!!

God is good, ALWAYS!
Thank you for all of your support and prayers, please keep them coming....we're hoping he comes home early next week, but that's our hope.  He still has to come off of the CPAP, drink out of a bottle, and then try breastfeeding (because that's our choice, not a hospital requirement).  I think there may be one more thing that I'm forgetting.  She was telling us this information while he was in my arms...I kinda wasn't listening to anything. lol

I know I said I was being reserved about the pics I was going to post of him while he was still hooked to breathing machines, but I can't help but share these pictures with the world!

My heart melted, right then and there

Most precious moment of my life

Nurse didn't know how to use J's camera phone...but still the most important photo of the day!

Pierce is STRONG!!

Our precious son is STRONG!!
Pierce is still in the NICU, but since I last updated (sorry it's been a few days) he has done so well!!  Yesterday he was taken off of his sedative and the dopamine, he is now acting like a new born!  He sleeps most of the time, when he's awake he's looking around absorbing his world.  He has dark dark blue eyes right now.  He's precious, absolutely precious.  His dark hair looks to either be growing, thickening or both!  He has the cutest button nose!  The nurse found him a paci that works with the tubes in his mouth, and he LOVES that thing, loves it.
He came off of the nitric oxide today, and is doing well with that, he's being slowly weaned off of the ventilator to be placed on the CPAP/nasal canula.  As soon as the vent comes out, WE GET TO HOLD HIM!!!!
He came off of his billi-blanket, not sure that I updated that he had slight jaundice, but the blanket took care of that.
Pierce started eating yesterday, by feeding tube of course, he lost his breakfast and lunch, but kept down his dinner.  He's kept down all of his meals today!  VICTORY!  He has had 2 poopy diapers today.

I have 2 rookie parent diaper stories..one to tell on each of us!

I'll go with mine first...
We visited at 8am, our usual morning visit.  We get to change his diapers now,  and touch him.  It's awesome!  So, I went to change his diaper, it was just a wet one, no big deal.  Got it changed, no problems. The group of doctors did their rounds talking about each baby, they stopped and talked about Pierce, it's amazing to hear doctors talk about how very very sick your baby was and how wonderfully he's progressed!  While they were talking, I notice his nurse acting kind of funny, covering part of his bed with her hands.
They walked away, she says, "Would you like to see what he just did?"  Pierce peed, right out of the leg of his diaper, all over his billi-blanket.  We started laughing.  His nurse said she bet she knew what happened.  Sure enough, when I changed him I didn't get his boy parts pointing straight down...what?!  I don't have those parts!!  Apparently, if you leave their parts pointed to the side, they can and will pee RIGHT out of the leg of the diaper!!  So, we had to take his diaper off, sponge bathe him, change his bedding, and get a new diaper on him!
Mommie has now been puked (yesterday's lunch), and peed.  Something I must get used to! LOL

Daddy's turn at the 4pm visit.  Opened that diaper up, and WHAM!  That baby black/green tar slime poop that sticks to EVERYTHING.  I died laughing.  Pierce got his foot in it, then got it on his leg.  I had to stop laughing and help J!  J ended up with it all over his hands, normally this would make J gag and maybe vomit...I knew having his own baby would change that!  He wiped, and wiped, and wiped, seemed to take a whole pack of wipes.  I jumped in to help too.  While we were lifting his little butt, we saw some movement and thought he was going to poop more so we set his butt back down.  After nothing happened, we lifted again, only to see movement again then out comes the tiny baby fart!  We died laughing.  Wipe and wipe some more and finally, the last wipe or two here comes some more movement.  FAAAART.  Too funny
So, Daddy has been pooped and farted.
Welcome to parenthood!!

I think that's all of the updates...he's made such progress that I'm afraid I'm forgetting part of it!

I would post more pics, because he looks SO much better than he has, but we're being very reserved with how many pics of his face we put online because of the ventilator.  We have posted a few on facebook and instagram, so if you're in that loop you know how handsome my boy is.  The rest of you, hang on, I'll share his handsome face as soon as he looks "normal".  I just don't want to put too much out there with his little vent.  Poor fella.

I'm home and doing just what I normally do.  not even a c-section can get me down!  I seem to be healing well, minimal pain meds.  Still having to take blood pressure meds daily and can tell I'm still having blood pressure issues.  But, I have a baby in the NICU to visit and see, so I can't slow down.
We go every 4 hours, spend about an hour there, so with travel time (thankfully we live close) we have 2.5 hours to ourselves between visits.  I use that time to pump and rest like I've been ordered to do by so many people.  I may be lucky to get half hour naps 2x a day.  I go to bed around 11, wake up usually at 1 and 4 to pump for 15-20 minutes, up at 630 to get ready for our day of NICU visits and pump again before we leave.  Whew!

Thanks for all of the prayers, please keep them coming

Each day, one tiny step closer

Thank you, still, to everyone thinking about us, praying for Pierce & us, asking about us...we need the prayers to keep coming because they're working.  My handsome boy is a fighter.  

When we saw him for the last time yesterday, around 8pm, he was resting on his own, no sedation meds, all of his stats were good.  They had switched him to the nitric oxide and at that point he'd been responding well

During the night we got to wondering how he was, so I called.  It was really nice to hear the nurse say, "He's doing good"  I like the word GOOD!  

We did learn that during the night he became agitated and wouldn't calm down, so his stats had gotten off.  It was 1am, so I don't remember exactly what was up and what was down.  So, because of that, they put him on a sedative drip and that calmed him down.  They're going to keep him on that for some time, we don't love the idea that our 3 day old baby is sedated.  But, we're more than happy that he is resting and sleeping...that will allow him to recover faster than if he were fighting the ventilator like he had been.

J called when we woke up this morning, learned that he didn't need any extra anything after I spoke with them about the drip.  So, good!!

We had gotten so used to hearing something new: had to try this, had to do this, his respirations are up, his this or that was down.  His first two days were such a roller coaster ride, we're glad to be on a calmer ride.  We understand that there are still bumps in the road to come, but this ride should be so much more calm.

We got down there after his first diaper change of the day and they had gotten his lab work back (they take labs every 4 hours) and everything was good.  

The doctor came by, had no bad news.  Yesterday when we saw the doctor, I cried.  Today, no tears.  Today, the doctor was able to focus on one subject with him, instead of like yesterday having to explain what seemed like 100 things that I tried to wrap my brain around.  

Thank God for J, he is grasping all of this information and running with it...like he does this for a living.  It's beautiful.  He's learned what every line on every monitor means and how to read it.  I must admit, because of that, I have just focused my attention on soaking in every inch of my precious Pierce.  J retains all of the information.  J doesn't like watching them draw blood for Pierce's labs, even though they don't poke him and just go through the catheter in his belly button.  

Pierce just laid there, comfortably, we spoke with his nurse and were really comfortable with her.  She is very caring with my tiny love.

I jumped at the chance to see his face when the respiratory therapist came in to clean his tube out.  They keep his face covered to cut down on stimuli from light (he's in the darkest quietest corner of the NICU), movement, and noise.  It works!  The sweet nurse told us to come back right at noon when she would be doing all of his checks, changing the diaper, etc and we'd be able to see his face because it would be totally uncovered then.  

Noon check went well.  He had no changes again, and was resting well.  His precious face got uncovered and I melted!  Love that boy!!  His little face is really puffy from one of the meds he's been given (dopamine), so to counteract that, he is given Lasix to keep his kidneys from being overworked.  It's working well....he's filling his premie sized diapers with pee.  

(I took a pic of his face for us, but don't want to share them because of the tubes and how puffy his face is)

I fall more in love with that baby every time...I'm not sure how it happens, but it happens

Just got back in from our 4pm visit (we can go whenever we want, but we chose to not over stimulate him with visitors so we go only at certain times).  A few changes, but we're being cautious...ventilator changes for the good...but we're conserving our excitement about it, since it just changed.  We'll be excited about it if it doesn't go back for the next 24 hours.

The nurse changed his diaper, filled again, I've never been so happy to see a full wet diaper! 

She cleaned his mouth out with saline and a teetiny vacuum.  Oooohhhh, he was so mad!  It's kinda cute and kinda sad, he can't cry when he gets mad!  He balls up his fists really tightly, pulls them up to his face and wrinkles his eyebrows up.  SO CUTE!  When she was done, he opened his eyes a little and gave her an ugly look.  He's so precious!

Finally, she was done and was about to cover his face and stopped.  She looked at me and said, "You want to kiss him?"  I had to ask her to repeat herself, I really didn't register what she had said.  I heard it, but I wasn't believing it.  Of course I want to kiss my son!!  He's 3 days old, and this is the second kiss I've been able to give him.  J leaned in and kissed his little head too, his first time to kiss his son.  I couldn't stop the tears, those were the best happy tears I've had in my life.  

We decided to leave, since he had settled back down from being mad about being messed with, and let him rest before we go back for the last time of the night.  We always tell him how much we love him before we go, this time was even more sweet because we were able to kiss our sweet boy.  

I'm floating on cloud 9.  That tiny boy has my heart in his tiny tiny hands.  

Pumping for him is getting more and more successful each time.  Setting a schedule is helping a lot with that.  Before getting pregnant, I would have told you NO WAY am I breast feeding or pumping!  I'm SO glad I changed my mind.  Pumping just really isn't that bad at all, you feel really good about yourself when you get something...like this is day 3 and I have just pumped half an ounce on both sides.  His little tummy will only hold about one ounce for a bit...so just like that I've given my son a valuable, nutritious meal.  I'm loving that!  J is even getting into the little celebrations.  It doesn't really hurt the way I expected it to, and I think it's preventing engorgement.  I highly suggest to my pregnant friends, let them bring you the hospital pump, they bring everything to you, try it out for the time you're in the hospital before you say no.  Your baby doesn't ever have to physically breast feed.  

My blood pressure is still all over the place, starting to come down with meds, but nothing consistant.  I've had a major headache today that Percocett didn't touch.  So, I'm not being discharged today like originally planned.  Dr wants to keep me another night and monitor me to make sure it starts to come down and starts to look somewhat consistent.  

Again, thank you to everyone who has prayed or asked about us.  Please, keep sending prayers for my sweet Pierce Eamon.  

Btw, his middle name is pronounced AY-mon...it's Celtic Gaelic.     

Pierce is here!!

This is going to be long, some of you have already read it since I emailed it to friends and family and posted this on facebook, but here is Pierce's story from the beginning.  He's had some struggles and we've been worried sick about him...but we're beginning to be able to be cautiously optimistic...pics at the end!!  

Hi everyone, I just wanted to write one email and send it on to all who have asked for updates, all who have prayed, anyone who has supported us through this whirlwind week!!

Monday, we went for our 37 week appointment.  We knew my blood pressure had been elevated (140s/90s) since 32 weeks, but because there was no protein in my urine they weren't concerned too much about it being pre-eclampsia.  Well, not the case this appointment.  Blood pressure was 150/90 and there was some protein.  This is the first time I've seen my doctor come into the room and show genuine concern.  He's a matter of fact type person, doesn't sugar coat, doesn't put on a fakeness that I've seen some doctors do.  

So, that was alarming.  He said he was concerned with my blood pressure, let's go on with the rest of my exam and see where we go.  

He did my physical check and said there was no progress with my cervix, Pierce wasn't dropping for some reason and therefor not causing any thinning/effacing or dilating.  Dr also couldn't feel his head, so he ordered an ultrasound for baby position and to check to see if my high blood pressure was affecting Pierce. 

Sure enough, the little booger was breech.  Pretty as you please, head right under my ribs, rear end sitting to the left of center.  How I was feeling his hiccups down below my belly button I'll never know lol.  

They hooked me up to monitors to check on Pierce's stress levels and see if I was having any contractions.  No contractions.  Pierce's heart rate was good and strong...between his punches and kicks to the monitor on my belly.  We knew then he was a feisty little guy.  

Dr came in and said he had read the ultrasound, and he didn't like the lowered levels of Pierce's amniotic fluids, prepare for a c-section likely Thursday.  He wanted to check my blood pressure before I left, having already said I could go to work that night but not Tuesday night.

Blood pressure was 150/120...put the brakes on work!  Immediate bed rest, strictly no getting up unless it was to go to the bathroom or get food.  

Off we went for me to sit until Thursday, J went to work...what were we both going to do at home, stare at each other?  lol

Tuesday, I woke up and left J sleeping since he had gotten off at 6am.  I called my mother to chit-chat...what else is one to do while on such strict bed rest other than talk on the phone?  lol

While we were talking, and actually while we were discussing our plans for my parents to come down from Kentucky, the Dr's office called.  "Hold on, Mommie, let me see what time Thursday we're having a baby"

"Hi, Amanda, need you at the hospital tomorrow (Wednesday) at 6"  

"PM?"  Surely she didn't mean Wednesday 6am for a Thursday c-section

"Nope, AM, c-section tomorrow morning"

Come to find out there was a scheduling conflict with my Dr and the hospital, and thankfully the surgery date wasn't changed for medical reasons.

So, woke up J, we made the phone calls changing everything everyone had planned!  And then started becoming anxious...I just had my one full day taken away from me.  From the time I was called, I had 17 hours to mentally prepare for a c-section...something not in my birth plan!  I quickly realized this little boy is going to be like his daddy, and not want to follow my carefully thought out plans!  

Fast Forward to Wednesday, August 15, 2012 430am.  We woke up, a mixture of nerves and excitement.  Pierce was moving around, his daddy got to feel his incredibly strong movements...movements that actually hurt for the first time.  

Off we went to the hospital.  I got really nervous when we could see the hospital.  I've had several surgeries, but none that involved more than one IV...certainly nothing that involves someone ramming something into my spinal cavity!! Truth be told, the IV was the *worst* part of the actual c-section.  Hands down, the worst part.  

During delivery, J was allowed in of course.  Delivery went smoothly, he was born butt first!  When he came out, he took a huge first gulp of what should have been air...but his head wasn't delivered yet so he gulped in breath full of more amniotic fluid.  J could see Pierce, I knew he was in love.  It was amazing.  If I couldn't see my baby for a few minutes, that was fine, I had the next best view...his daddy falling immediately in love with his son.  

"Seven pounds, three ounces, nineteen inches long" said the nurse.  I could hear him fussing, but knew he wasn't crying like he could be

Pierce was requiring a lot of attention to help his breathing.  They grabbed him, showed him to me, I was able to kiss his beautiful face, and off they went with my husband and my baby.  

They knew they were taking him to NICU, just didn't know for how long.  They could keep him, treat him, observe him, for up to 4 hours without admitting him.  

I went to recovery, not knowing how my beautiful baby was, but thankful that J could go with him and stay with him.  I told J to not even worry about me, focus solely on Pierce...I've had plenty surgeries, and sat in many recovery rooms alone.  Pierce needed his Daddy if he couldn't have his Mommie.

I was wheeled back from recovery to the NICU to see Pierce.  I got to touch his little legs and his little arms...I rubbed his chubby little cheek.  I could see that his chest was pumping so very hard, trying to breathe.  

He ended up being admitted into the NICU around noon Wednesday.  J went back to check on him after I got settled into my room.  They had to put Pierce on oxygen and a CPAP.  

I was attached to too much on Wednesday and wasn't allowed out of bed at all...so I would worry about Pierce and send J down to check on him, talk to him, love him.  I'd take that time to pray, rest, relax.  

I finally was unhooked from IVs, caths, and monitors Thursday morning and given a wheelchair.  We had learned that in the night, Pierce was so fatigued from fighting to breathe that he had to be placed on a ventilator.  Not because he couldn't breathe on his own, but because he was working so hard to expand his lungs he was just worn out.  

It was heart breaking to go down Thursday morning and see my handsome little boy hooked up to a ventilator and IV.  Pierce is such a fighter that he wouldn't relax and let the machine breathe for him...he was still trying to breathe on his own over the ventilator!  

He would have good hours and bad hours.  We were finally told that he was being easily over stimulated.  We could tell...when we would talk to him his respiration would go up, heart rate up, his movement would increase.  He would turn toward us, open his eyes...my heart soared knowing that he knew who we were.  LOVE!  

He eventually was moved to a quieter corner last night, he just wouldn't relax, kept fighting, was disturbed by other crying babies, by people walking around him.  We asked them to call us if they had to use sedation to help calm him, or if they needed to take greater actions for his breathing.  Around 2am I was woken up by the phone ringing, NICU calling.  Sure enough, they had to sedate him...I just cried.  It seemed like nothing they were doing was helping him.  They had called in the on call neonatologist, who decided to stay the night just for Pierce.  Very overwhelming information.

J went down to the NICU at 3am to check on him.  He came back and told me that he's resting.  Knowing that he was resting better than he had the whole time was helpful.

By the time we got there this morning (Friday), the doctor was with him.  Again, he wasn't doing well.  

The neonatologist explained to us that Pierce was still fighting his machines.  He has pulmonary hypertension (high blood pressure in his lungs).  Since nothing they were doing was working, and he wasn't resting well at all, the doctor suggested they were going to go from sedation to anesthesia, just to take over control of his body.  Not what this new mom wanted to hear, dad either...but we fully understand that this will help him in the long run.  They also wanted to put him on nitrous oxide.  I'm not sure I fully understand how that helps, but whatever, the doctor seems very confident in that treatment.  They also put a central line in through his little belly button, I was glad to see that, instead of constantly poking him every time they needed a blood sample or anything.  Every blood draw, every injection, can go right through that belly button catheter.  

I got to see his dark hair for the first time today.  I just love him, he's so handsome, even more handsome than his Daddy!  He has his Daddy's skin color and hair color.  We're not totally sure what color his eyes are, either dark blue which I expect would turn brown, or brown like J's (almost black).  

We asked them to call us when they finished with the nitrous oxide and catheter, and that we would come down a few hours later...give him enough time to be very calm and rested.  

I still haven't held by baby.  I have given him one kiss on the cheek and stroked his skin just a few times.  We were excited to get to hold his pacifier in his mouth for him.  Because of the tubes he can't get the paci in his mouth on his own but they put it right next to his mouth and he sucks on it best he can.  The nurse told us it's good to see him trying to take a paci, means he's getting/has gotten his appetite.  They're giving him nutrition through his IV.  

I am trying to pump for him.  So far I have given the nurses about 25ml of collostrum and as soon as they can feed him they'll give him that.  

As soon as the tubes come out, I can hold him and try nursing.  If nursing doesn't work for us, I'll just exclusively pump and bottle feed him.  

The doctor today, and nurses have said that it's the bigger babies that they have the most trouble with.  Not the tee tiny 1-3 pounders, but the 6-8 pounders.  He is developed enough to fight them.  

How did all of this occur?  From what a great nurse told us, it's a four-part issue.  One issue is enough to cause a newborn issues, but compound them all together, and they seem happy with where he is because of all of his issues

1. 37 weeks, yes it's "full term" but ideally the longer babies stay in the womb the more developed their brains and lungs are

2. Low amniotic fluid

3. Breech/c-section.  When babies are born naturally, going through the birth canal forces the fluid out of their lungs

4. Boy...white baby boy at that.  Apparently boys, especially white boys, have higher instances of breathing difficulties

Combine all of that...and you get Pierce!  My poor baby.

I'm going to attach the pics we've been able to get of him, some of them are quite dark because the NICU is dark.

We're going to go see him again around 3-330, so we'll see what we find out then.

Love to all, and I can't say thank you enough to everyone who's prayed, thought about him, asked about him, it means more to me than I could ever say.

First, thank you SO much for the prayers...they're working!

We saw Pierce at 3, after my original note.  

When we came in, I was startled to see 5 nurses near his bedside.  Thankfully, they were just teaching a few new NICU nurses about the use of Nitric Oxide (the gas in his ventilator, that is going to take the place of oxygen because of the pulmonary hypertension).  

I noticed that my precious baby was still, very calm, very peaceful.  My first thought, "They had to sedate him again"  When I asked, the nurse proudly told me no, that he was resting this calmly on his own!  VICTORY!  

We just sat there at his bedside.  I cried happy tears, I had not seen him that still, that calm in his 2.5 days in this world.  

Pierce kept covering his temperature monitor with his hands, keeping the machine from reading it properly, making alarms go off.  The nurse came back over and tried to move his hands...he wasn't having any of that.  She finally got his hands moved onto his chest under a blanket and asked me to gently hold them there!!  Silly as it sounds, I just cried because I could touch him through his blanket.  I sat there, arm out stretched, for 10 minutes.  I finally relented and let J touch him like I had been.  

The nurse today was very optimistic with us, realistically optimistic.  Yes, he is one of the sickest babies in the NICU right now, but this is working.  We'll be able to be more optimistic about this treatment tonight, and more again tomorrow.  

Pierce is an amazing fighter, strong, stubborn.  We keep talking to him, in a low whispered tone because that doesn't overly stimulate him.  We are excited and happy to see the progress.  

J went down again to check on him at 530, and he had started to put up a fight again.  Silly boy doesn't realize that the ventilator is there to help him.  His nurse said that if he didn't stop soon, he would need to be sedated again.  He's gone without sedation meds since 1030 this morning.  

I just called and he has settled himself down and didn't need to be sedated.  

My beautiful baby boy is strong.  Keep praying, please...it's working!!  \

The pout kills me!!

His daddy sleeps like this!

His long feet!  He probably gets that from me..lol  I only wear a size 10/11

J holding his paci for him.  

He has the sweetest face ever

I got to hold his paci.  It was amazing to get to help him with something, do something for him

The first glimpse of his adorable head and dark hair!

I never understood when people said you will love like you've never loved before...it's so true.  He's my sunshine, my heart, my everything...already.  

Nursery Reveal!

Since I thought I had more time to prepare and make this post lol...well, since Pierce is coming tomorrow here it is!
Thanks to my in laws for coming over yesterday and finishing my nesting for me since I'm on such strict bed rest!  I'm so grateful for them doing that!!

That box is no longer there since we unpacked the stroller and carseat...

Ignore the one dark drawer, 10 years ago I decided to refinish my heirloom dresser...you see how far that got lol

Changing table/dresser

Pierce will be home and in his room soon!!

Can you say...FREAK OUT??!

So, yesterday in this post I said we're going to have Pierce Thursday...and explained why (so check it out to avoid me being redundant lol)

SMALL change of plans...due to scheduling conflicts and not medical reasons:

Pierce will be here tomorrow!

We were just called and told to be at the hospital tomorrow morning at 6am

Rock and Roll baby!!

Life certainly doesn't go as planned!!

Had my 37 week appointment today.  My blood pressure had been higher than they liked, but not anything to worry about, since 34 weeks.  Well, today, 150/90, no bueno.  Explains my skull-splitting headache that I had Saturday.
During my exam, the doctor noticed that he couldn't find Pierce's head or butt, and that nothing had progressed, not where he wants him to be at 37 weeks.  So, with the blood pressure issue, he wanted an ultrasound.  Yay, we got to see our boy!!
Pierce is BREECH, explains his incredible movement said the nurse.  He measures approximately 7 pounds 7 ounces!  He is a feisty boy, and she said if he were head down he wouldn't have the room to be so active.  His amniotic fluid is low, it should be 10 (ml? cc? I don't know what measurement they use) but he has 8.2.  Not dangerous yet, but my Dr wasn't comfortable with it.  I was hooked up to monitors, no contractions at all and Pierce's heart beat was great.  He punched the monitor that was on him, he ran around in my belly to avoid it...always moving.
Before we left, we talked about me working.  Dr said I could work tonight, but not tomorrow as we are looking at a scheduled C-Section Thursday.  But, they checked my blood pressure again...dundundun...150/120.  "Bed rest, starting now.  You can only get up to use the bathroom or get food.  No dishes, no lifting anything, nothing.  Sit still until Thursday"

So....

We're having a baby!!

I'm excited, nervous, freaking out...OMG

I'm just asking for prayers for Pierce, and my sanity.  I've never had abdominal surgery, but I'm thinking about the positives.  

• We know his birthdate will be August 16, 2012
• No labor
• No pushing lol
• None of the icky things that come along with a vaginal delivery...tearing, swelling, etc ew

That's all I can think of now lol

So, Pierce Eamon will be here Thursday!  As soon as I can update about him, I will...or get J to do it.  I'll also be sure to have pics on twitter, instagram, and facebook.  

J is about to bust out of his skin he's so excited.  I love it.  

36 Weeks

36 Weeks

4 weeks left!  Holy Moly!

we apparently need to clean the mirror lol

How far along are you? 

36 weeks...where did time go?!

Total weight gain: 

none between my 34 & 36 week appointment!  WHOOHOO!!

How big is baby?:

What to Expect says a watermelon!!  OMG!  19-22" 6.5 pounds

source

source

Maternity clothes: 

if I'm leaving the house, yes.  If I'm at home, poor J only sees me in pjs anymore! 

Stretch marks?:  

So far, only on my hiney

I've been applying Palmers Cocoa Butter religiously...hoping that helps matters

Sleep?: 

can you say INSOMNIA?!  I sleep for 2 hours, then I'm WIDE awake for hours.  Then I crash for about 2-3 hours before work.  No bueno.  I tried melatonin, didn't seem to help really.  But, blackout curtains seems to have helped!  I slept for 4 hours today!  This is a big deal lol

Best moment this week?:

any time I sleep well lol 

Movement?: 

he must be running out of room in there, less movement but stronger

Food cravings?:

ice...love ice

Food aversions?:

Not too bad, kind of depends on the day, 

Labor signs?: 

Dr's appointment on Tuesday said that I was making progress...I'd like to keep that off here, for now?  Seems really TMI and personal?  lol

I go back tomorrow, we'll see if there's more progress

Belly button in or out?: 

still in, but threatening to be pop any minute lol

What I miss: 

sleep

sleeping on my stomach

the way I used to look

Not being cranky!

What I'm looking forward to: 

Meeting this little guy...in 3 weeks

What I'm not looking forward to: 

Delivery!  OMG, scared!

Milestone: 

starting weekly appointments!  SO SO close!!

Lately

My desire to blog is here, but having something interesting to talk about has disappeared lol

Lately...

• I have ridiculous insomnia.  I don't sleep more than 2ish hours at a time before I wake up to either pee or stare at the ceiling, or both...my theory is: At least when Pierce gets here I'll have a reason to be awake every 2 hours, there will be a purpose for my exhaustion.  Right now, it's just annoying as h*ll
• I have equally ridiculous indigestion.  Only, it's not heart burn, it's like no indigestion I've ever had before. You know when you eat a mint and either don't get it crunched into small enough pieces, or eat too many mints and you get that odd minty indigestion?  That's what I have.  It really sucks, btw
• My bff of 23 years had her baby Monday morning around 4am.  He's adorable.  She's the bff that was 4 weeks ahead of me with her first pregnancy, too.  REALLY seals the reality for me lol.  Pierce will be here soon!
• J and I got off of work Monday at 6am, slept (me until 9am, him until noon) and got up and went to Nashville for the afternoon to see Ashley and walk around Opry Mills Mall.  I had to go to work Monday night...got home after 2 hours of sleep that morning, and slept for another 2ish hours before work.  I've not been so tired and beat in years.  I'm still making up for it.
• Dr appt yesterday, 36 week appointment...I'll fill you guys in tomorrow!
• We're closer to having the nursery finished, I'll probably update that tomorrow or this weekend some time

Just thought I'd update ya'll on life...since i've been sucking at blogging lately.  Maybe I'll get better...who knows, with a newborn and being a first time mommie, I have no clue what I'll have going on in my brain lol

hope everyone is doing well

35 Weeks

I know it's late, usually post on Thursdays, but since I've been on 3rd shift I'm kinda thrown on with my posts

35 Weeks

OMG 5 weeks left, seriously?!

How far along are you? 

35 Weeks (technically since this post is after midnight on a Monday...36 weeks)

Total weight gain: 

I'm not loving it, but I was glad to know my bff who is 4 weeks ahead of me (and smaller than me, plus a far more healthy eater) is about the same amount of weight gain.  I haven't strictly watched my eating, but dang.  I think it's a genetic thing for those of you who don't gain more than 25-30 pounds

How big is baby?:

What to Expect says a Large Cantaloupe! 19-22" 6 pounds  HOLY MOLY

source

Maternity clothes: 

if I'm leaving the house, yes.  If I'm at home, poor J only sees me in pjs anymore! 

Stretch marks?:  

So far, only on my hiney

I've been applying Palmers Cocoa Butter religiously...hoping that helps matters

Sleep?: 

can you say INSOMNIA?!  I sleep for 2 hours, then I'm WIDE awake for hours.  Then I crash for about 2-3 hours before work.  No bueno 

Best moment this week?:

any time I sleep well lol 

Movement?: 

he must be running out of room in there, less movement but stronger

Food cravings?:

ice...love ice

Food aversions?:

Not too bad, kind of depends on the day, 

Labor signs?: 

NO!  Just Braxton-Hicks 

Some of them are starting to get painful like cramps.  Nothing consistent or regular.

Belly button in or out?: 

Still in, but barely!  Which is nuts, my belly button pre-pregnancy is seriously VERY deep

What I miss: 

sleep

sleeping on my stomach

the way I used to look

Not being cranky!

What I'm looking forward to: 

Meeting this little guy...in 4 weeks

What I'm not looking forward to: 

Delivery!  OMG, scared!

Milestone: 

Pierce's STRONG movement and punches!

He kicks me if I fold my arms and rest them on the top of my belly, he does not like anything encroaching on his space!

My best friend is in the hospital as I type, in labor!  She's 4 weeks ahead of me, so I'm super excited!!

Now, I'm wondering if I've dropped?  Some times I look at my belly and think it's lower, others I don't think there's any change...no pressure in my pelvis, but practically every time I stand up, I have to pee!!