You do WHAT with that?!

My dear husband, dear dear husband, has some serious smarts.  Really, I'm not bragging, he's a smarty.  However, being a male in his early 20s and growing up in a fairly small family, he's not been around infants nearly the way I have.  I've never had a baby, but I've been around enough infants, enough mothers, to know a few things.  By no means do I think I'm any sort of baby expert, but...

J is about to become an uncle for the first time, literally about to...Samantha's due any day now.  So, for Christmas since we were at a loss as to what to get his brother or sister-in-law we chose to look for something for the baby.  Off to Target we go, through a few aisles in the baby section.  I'm looking for baby monitors, or seriously considering getting several bath things and a tub to make it all one gift.  As we're walking he's picking up things and asking what they are, what they're used for.  Kid leash, we discuss the fact that my family kept all of us kids on them, strung together, during a trip to the aquarium in Seattle.  Baby sling things, discussed laziness vs handiness...remember we haven't either of us had a child ourselves so we can have these discussions lol.  I even considered breast pumps, knowing that Sam plans on breast feeding...considered being the key word here, until I saw the price on those suckers items.  As we're on the breast pump/bottle aisle, J spots a product and starts giggling.  I swear, he was like a pubescent boy.  "Nipple basket?!"  more giggles.  I have to explain to him the use of a nipple basket in the dishwasher.  Just one row up from the basket, horror comes across his face, "Wh-wha-what is a nipple brush?"  Oh dear husband of mine.  I explain to him that no, it is not a cleaning tool for a body part as he suspected, but a cleaning tool for the bottle nipple.  We got several terrible glares while I'm laughing at him, tears streaming down my face, and he's laughing at himself.

Fast forward a few months, walking through the food section at Walmart, passing the baby area...I notice J eying the nursery water jugs with this confused look on his face.  "Honey, what are you looking at?"  And, I'm not joking when I say that he asked me what the jugs were for.  "Water.  Water for bottles or whatever, it's nursery water, distilled water"  Now, I was confused, he's smart, why isn't this sinking in for him?  "OH!  There's water in the jugs?  It's sold in the jugs?"   Now I'm cracking up, asked him if he can't see the water in them.  We got closer and he finally saw the water.  "Oh, I thought they were just jugs to store breast milk in"  Geez, J!  How much breast milk do you think a woman makes and how long do you think it keeps?!  Again, tears are pouring down my face as I laugh at him.

We have also discussed cloth diapering, he's appalled at the idea of how you clean the dirty ones.

With all of the baby talk in his family, he has learned what an episiotomy is, and you can only imagine the look on his face during that conversation with his mother, aunt, grandmother, sis-in-law, and myself.

But, I still think what takes the cake is the nipple brush.  And, come to find out, his brother, the daddy-to-be, had to have the use of a nipple brush explained to him!  Aaaahhh, brothers, usually they are from different planets, but not when it comes to nipple brushes.

Lord help me when it's our turn.  I'm going to need an instruction manual to give to him.

Seriously?!

When I'm asked, "What are your pet peeves?"  I never really have an answer.  

So, I'm going to jump on the Seriously Thursday bandwagon brought to you by From Mrs to Mama. 

1. Seriously...5 day work weeks are overrated.  I'd much rather work a 10 or 12 hour day and have 3 or 4 days off a week.  This after I was spoiled by being able to take a 3 day weekend this past weekend.
2. Seriously...is it already time to deal with politics for the 2012 presidential race?  I hate being inundated with the bs...because quite frankly I think they all talk out of the sides of their mouths, say one thing while meaning another, don't know what they truly can or can't do so they make false promises even with the best of intentions. 
3. Seriously...I doubt we will ever live in a gated apartment community, ever, again.  The gate, on average, doesn't work 2 weeks out of the month.  I don't think the gate has been operational for an entire month the whole time we've lived there.  However, the one time J tried to go through behind someone without letting the gate close and pushing the key fob himself, management came sprinting out to him and interrogated him about his "illegal" entry!  We pay a pretty penny for rent and they don't care!
4. Seriously...I'm ready for my 2 weeks off with J before he leaves.  I'm ready for all of his training to be over with so we can get into our routine, even though we do know and understand that the military life will inevitably mess with routine/schedule.  We have no misconceptions about how "easy" this will be.
5. Seriously...speaking of military, if one more person tells me how tough being a military wife is going to be I may scream.  Really?  You don't say?  I thought it would be the easiest thing I've ever done.  I know it's going to be tough, but guess what?  I'm a tough woman, I'm a strong woman.  We have a strong marriage and an incredible friendship.  We're not afraid.  Eat that, you naysayers! 
6. Seriously...I squeeled with excitement the other day when I realized that a name brand gas station had gas for $3.59.  Sad huh?
7. Seriously...I graduated high school ten years ago.  When did I get that old?  It seems like yesterday I was in my early 20s laughing at a firned who was sobbing about going to her own 10 year reunion.  Wow, time really does fly!
8. Seriously...my husband cracks me up.  He is so very random.  We were sitting in the food court at the mall on my lunch break and out of no where he says, "Malibu backwards is Ubilam"  I turned around to see what he was looking at, as I was facing the neon sign and able to read it properly: 

What do you mean, you don't fold towels like I do?

I was raised to do things a certain way, things like household chores.  These little things were engrained, the steps you take to complete them, the way you do things, the way you put them away.  I never asked why, never questioned.  I just assumed that everyone folded towels and tshirts the same way my mother and grandmother do, assumed that dishwasher manufacturers sent out rule books with detailed instructions on how to load the dishwasher the exact way my mother and grandmother do.  They had to get all of their rules from somewhere, right?  There had to be a rule book?  Maybe?  I never questioned it really.  Just did things the way I was taught from an early age.  I'm sure I asked why we did things the way we did, but the answer I always got was, "Because that's how Mama taught me" (Mommie=mother Mama=grandmother).  Well, to me, and life is pretty much still this way, what Mama says is golden. 
So, one day early in our relationship, I see the way J has loaded the dishwasher.  Appalling!  Seriously?!  You thought you could load the dishes that way?!  They'll never get clean if you don't load them my way, Mommie's way, Mama's way...at least that's what I was always taught.  If they aren't loaded by the mysterious rule book, they'll never get clean!  Several times I reloaded the dishwasher after J had just spotlessly cleaned the kitchen.  Several times he just stood there and let me.  One day he asked, "Why do you reload what I've already loaded?  If you're going to do that, why am I even wasting my time loading it at all?"  What?!  Why didn't I ever think of that?  Oh.  Well...um...  Yes, it was pointed out to me that on multiple occasions while I was working, he has loaded the dishwasher his way and then unloaded them before I had come home, did I ever find any dirty dishes in the cabinets?  Well, no, I can't think of any instances.  Hmm.  Well, after quite some time, I have stopped reloading the dishwasher.  I relinquished complete control.  But, I still load it my way, and yes, admittedly still shutter when I see his loading of the dishwasher.  The important thing here is that I just let it be, right?  Right.  I'll convince myself, and you, of that if I keep thinking it.  lol
I was the same way with bath towels.  However, I was much quicker to let him help and just fold them his way with towels than I was with the dishwasher.  I don't know why.  However, I only ask for folding help with towels and socks (my arch nemesis).  The Mama/Mommie way is far too engrained in me to allow my tshirts to be folded by any other method.  Nuts huh?
Separating laundry, that's another Mama/Mommie gospel.  J just refuses to get on that bandwagon.  I really shudder when he does laundry.  I must admit, I try my hardest to only ask him to do laundry after I have sorted them into approved piles.   
If you think the folding thing is nuts, you've not seen my side of the closet.  The closet thing is certainly an Amanda thing.  I can't blame it on Mama and Mommie.  My shirts must be hung in color coordinated sections, white on the right, progressing light to dark with black on the left.  In those color categories, sleeve length, from no sleeves to long sleeves, again, right to left.  Oh, and one last OCD issue in my closet...all the shirts face to the right.  Really and truly, try it.  It makes life SO much easier.  You already know what shirt you're looking for, you don't have to flip through your closet.  Poor J tries to help me hang clothes.  He's got the whole "must face this way" part down, but other than that, I have to tell him where they go. 
Wow, the more I try to explain myself, the nuttier I am!  My dear husband is a saint to put up with me lol.  But, that man adores me and I can't ask for more than that.

While I'm sounding nuttier than a Snickers bar:
When I get a bag of Skittles, I have to have a paper towel or piece of paper so I can separate them out into flavor/color.  Then, I'm embarrassed to admit, they are eaten in 2s, in a flavor order.  Lime, lemon, orange, red (whatever that flavor is supposed to be lol), then I save the best for last, grape.  Yes, my supervisor saw me doing this one day and said I look like a crazy lady.
I pretty much do the same with M&Ms, only I eat the ugliest color to the prettiest.  lol
I take bites of food, and very unconsciously, chew each bite on alternating sides of my mouth.  It's all about being even.
I have always had an active imagination when it concerns real possibilities, by 8 years old I knew what killer bees were and had an entire plan on how the world would function when killer bees became a true plague problem.
I won't listen to the tv volume on anything other than an even number, or a 5.  If even doesn't work, too loud, not loud enough, 5 is ok.  Why?  I don't know.  Same with the stereo in the car
DVDs will be in alphabetical order on my shelf, same with CDs, books, you name it.  If it makes sense to alphabetize it will be. 
My pantry tends to look just like a grocery shelf.  I love the organization.  Bliss.
I ate off of a separated plate until I was 12, no joke.  I still don't like my food to touch, at all.  My mom hid my plates when we moved the summer I turned 12, I don't think I've seen them since.  Oh Paddington bear, I miss you.

Ok, that's enough, someone will have me committed or put on drugs...or both.  lol.  Though, I'll throw my Mommie and Mama under the bus with me, they taught  me 90% of my traits!  lol

Pitcairn Island

J surfs the strangest websites.  And it's not even so much strange in the overall scheme of things, but...it still is odd lol.  https://www.cia.gov/  We started looking at country information one thing leads to another and I find Pitcairn Island.  It seems to pretty much rock.  Population: 48, they have one phone line...17 families use that one line.  LOL.  https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/pc.html
It's so small, you can't even see it as a speck on the map:

The island is actually owned/governed by the UK, and the only people living there are Bounty Mountaineers and their Tahitian wives.  lol.  Sounds like something you would only see in a movie.  I never thought there was anything like that, an island that desolate and unpopulated!  But hey, I think we'll retire there.  I'm liking the idea of simplicity...and not only knowing everyone in your town, but your COUNTRY!  lol 
J says we're either retiring to Pitcairn Islands or Wales, his "ancestral home" lol.  https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/uk.html

Although, they have a population of 62,698,362 instead of 48.  I think I can still deal with that.  They have a much better communication system with 32.117 million phone lines.  And internet.  LOL

Yes, I must admit, I enjoy the crazy websites my husband looks at.  I think I looked at random countries for about half an hour...and enjoyed it.  Hey, before you think I'm crazy, my mother read the dictionary for fun as a kid!  So, I'm pretty normal! 

I'm a fish!! But Sully is not

One of my absurd phobias has been to get water in my ears, be it pool water, lake water, shower water...no water in these ears!  Why?  Well, I had 4 ear surgeries and countless ear infections growing up, so many that I could walk into the ENT's office and know what instruments they were going to use and what meds they would prescribe!  Ridiculous?  Yes, I know.  So, around 13-15 years old I stopped swimming.  I loved the water, loved the pool, loved swimming, but because of the ear issues I just stopped.
J realizes that I have this crazy phobia, I would get so upset if water accidentally got in my ears, freak out upset.  Dramaqueen much?  So, one day we were walking around our apartment pool and I said, "You know, I might just be feeling brave and would put my head under water if we got in"  What does J do?  Dig out our bathing suits, drive to Walmart and buy sunblock (because, let's face it, I'm blinding white and just don't tan...thank you Irish ancestors).  Great, I've now opened my big mouth and will have to live up to this statement of bravery.  What have I done now?  lol.
Bathing suits on, sunblock slathered, we jump in the pool.  It's a hot 88 degrees or so outside, but the apartment pool is an icy 70 degrees according to J's watch.  We inched around the pool trying to get used to the hypothermia setting in and finally the time came for me to put up or shut up and know that I'd never hear the end of wimping out.
HOLY COW that water was COLD.  So cold my lungs instinctively forced all of the air from my body as soon as I stuck my head under water, successfully I might add!  So, I was not able to swim that day, but J was proud of me for trying.  lol.
Well, we waited several more weeks and I decided I'd try it again in J's aunt's pool.  So, off we go, armed with floats and the Amanda-required sunblock...gotta keep my pasty white skin, as I prefer white to lobster red.  The water was too warm for a polar bear's likings, so perfect for us!  We warned J's brother and sister-in-law to not splash me, that I was working up the courage to swim underwater again.  I remembered loving to swim, but just couldn't get past the fear of water in my ears.
Finally, I looked at J and said, "here goes nothing" and dunked under water and swam all of 3 feet lol.  Disappointed that I didn't make it any further, I was determined to keep trying.  We swam pretty much all day Memorial Day and then went back out the next day.

What did I do?  I swam!  I went under water and swam further than 3 feet!!  Several times!  J was so proud of me he video taped it!!

Sorry it's sideways, can't figure out how to fix that

I loved it, I am so excited that I'm going to spend as much time in the pool as possible this summer!!  Now, Sully on the other hand...I got him on the float and he was rather unhappy with me.  J's brother swam under the float and scared Sullivan, good thing I had my hands on him, that baby was ready to jump and doggie paddle (hehehe) to safety.  Later, he kept coming to the edge of the pool looking at us, so what does any good mother do?  I grabbed him and plopped him in the pool with us.  Well, Mini-Schnauzers can swim, but apparently don't like it.  He stayed away from the pool after that lol

See, not a happy camper lol

The tale of Burnt Bacon...and other breakfast failings

My mother will tell you that I never spent much time tugging on her apron strings as a kid, or teenager for that matter.  I only wanted to be in the kitchen when she was baking, and admittedly, I can bake pretty well.  However, that lack of interest as a kid has turned into many failed attempts as an adult.  My greatest kitchen enemy so far....BREAKFAST!  I'm not a big breakfast fan, I'm a cereal person.  I've got that recipe down pat!  I mean, I'm practically gourmet!  
Every now and then J and I will wake up and want breakfast, and being the morning person I am not, I refuse to get up and go to any breakfast restaurant.  So, we keep things like pancake mix in the house and I'm pro at whipping up the batter.  I mean, I can really measure water and stir, it's phenomenal talent, I know.  However, that's where my pancake talent leaves me.

One of a few things happens: I get started with a perfect temperature on the stove eye, watch it, wait for it, flip...perfect.  Ok, now time to make coffee.  By the time I get turned back around, the other side is burned.  On to the next pancake, I can do this, I can make these things, I can do this.  Pour, sit, flip, perfect!  Wait..wait...wait...losing patience, turn up the heat on the eye just one notch...wait...burnt.  DANG IT!  Ok, try again, I have enough batter for about 3 more.  Pour, sit, sit, sit, flip, burnt...what happened?!  Oh, I forgot to turn the eye down again.  Dang, turn it down, wait wait wait, talk to J, sip my coffee.  Burned, again.  Yup, that's the story for the rest of the batter.  J just shakes his head and laughs, butters the pancakes best as he can through their burned shell, pours on the syrup (cold, but that's a story for another day) and chows down.  Bless him.

You want biscuits, I can do that, coming right up, if you like Grands that is.  Again, I'm a kitchen professional at unwrapping that tube and popping it open.  I can preheat the oven and plop those bad boys on a cookie sheet like no one's business!  Biscuits, give me 20 minutes, and I'll clean up the mess in the kitchen afterwards!  lol

I can also scramble eggs, I hate eggs, won't eat them and neither will J, but Sully will.  So, any time I bake and just need the whites, that baby gets scrambled yolks.  Who says he's spoiled?   I don't see it. 

But, my greatest nemesis...biggest porky nemesis...bacon.  I love bacon, adore bacon, it's so tasty.  When I go to Waffle House, I order a plate of bacon, "very very very crispy please".  I want the stuff to hit the plate and shatter.  I love bacon.  As a kid I would sneak into the kitchen and eat Bac-Os by the handfuls (sorry, Mommie, but yes, that's where the Bac-Os went).  So, yesterday morning when J went to the store to get breakfast stuffs, I begged for bacon.  He brought back the coveted pork fat.  Delish until you think of it that way huh? 
So, I get the package open, warm up the pan, lay four glorious pieces of bacon in the pan.  Anticipation making my mouth water.  My first ominous clue should have been the thought, "It looks like the other side is done, do I flip bacon?"  Now, keep in mind, this is NOT my first time making bacon.  I have successfully cooked a few pieces of bacon in my life.  What did I do?  Flipped the bacon.  I flipped all 4 pieces, cursed the popping grease and waited.  Remember, I'm not patient...so, what does the non-patient person do?  Turn up the heat.  In under 2 minutes, the bacon was charred.  I don't mean just burned, but charcoal doesn't even really describe it.  I wouldn't even let Sully have a bite, you know it's bad when you won't even give your dog the food you've just scorched cooked.  After I failed on the first four pieces, I turned and looked around the house and noticed the apartment was pretty smokey, J opened the windows.  My next genious thought was to cut the bacon in half, smaller pieces, faster cook time, easier to manage...right?  I'll just say, the smoke detectors went off and my husband made me cease my bacon/smoke assault on the apartment.  Sad sad day.  I did get 6 small edible pieces of bacon to go with my biscuits and was able to give Sully one bite of a salvaged piece of bacon. 
Poor J wanted buffalo chicken biscuits, but quickly learned that while, so far he's thought buffalo sauce was good on everything, buffalo and buttermilk biscuits are NOT a good combo. 

Virgin?

Catch your attention with that post title?  lol

I'm a blog-virgin, thought I might start writing because life is changing and I need an outlet.  Life isn't changing for the negative or anything, just changing.  I'm excited about the changes and really looking forward to them and what adventures we have in store for us.  Due to those changes, I thought I would start a blog for friends and family to see so that those who wish to keep up with us, can.  

I'm going to have to keep some details private, others to a minimum, just because of the sensitivity of said changes.  My husband is entering the Army, I am very proud of him and what he has achieved in order to get the MOS (job) that he wanted.  So, yes, I'm about to become an Army wife.  Out of the world I know of North Alabama and my job in law enforcement, to happily support the man I love and adore.

My husband and I will have been married just over 6 months, actually ten days shy of 7 months when he leaves for boot camp. 

  My favorite picture of us from our wedding reception

I adore that man, he is so many things wrapped up into one fabulous package: Husband, Best Friend, Soul mate, etc. 

We have a great support system, his family (my in-laws of course) are wonderful and are here in town.  They've embraced me as one of them and love me, as I love them like they are my own family.  And my family of course!  My family who support me as long as I'm happy!  While J is gone, I'm going to take as much time as I can to travel to see family as much as I can.  The baby and I will that is, Sully/Sullivan: 

Meet Sully (if you haven't before), the cutest baby in the world

So, HooAh Go Army!

That's all for now folks!  Join me tomorrow as I tell the tale of Burnt Bacon.  lol