I'm totally new at this SAHM/SAHW gig. And, most days I feel like I'm not meeting expectations. Whose expectations though? Mine? J's?
My expectations of myself are HIGH...probably unattainable, I'm not even sure I can explain them. I know I can't explain where I get them, I don't know.
J's expectations are a home clean enough to live in, he doesn't expect immaculate. Clean laundry. Happy baby. Happy wife. Well, mostly check...check...check...mostly check.
I'm working on the housework bit, Suzy Homemaker I'm not. I'm trying to think of a cleaning schedule so that I can look at, tackle, and accomplish individual tasks. Otherwise I look at the whole big picture and get overwhelmed and my ability to get past that needs some serious work. Laundry, done, not a big deal. Now...putting it away is going to take a bit. Again, that goes back to the whole big picture; for now I'm not even dealing with our bedroom. We have clean sheets on the bed once a week and that's about all I'm even worrying about in the way of clean bedroom right now. I need to focus on the parts of the home that we live in most first.
Happy baby...done. That's the easy part for me.
Happy wife....mostly. Why mostly? I'm not on here posting about troubles in our marriage. Not at all. It's me. Again, not living up to my own expectations.
I've asked J to help me figure out a schedule. Not even a strict schedule with times. I don't want to live by a clock. I just need a guide to help me get started? Help plan my days/weeks.
After Pierce is changed, and fed, I've pumped and had my morning coffee...do I play with him for an hour? Clean? Play then clean? Can you play and clean? He's not on a strict schedule either. I just let him lead his day. J and I aren't on any schedule at home, so why force one on Pierce? He doesn't seem to need it. I know what he wants, when he signals he wants it, and I meet that need. So to me he doesn't need a rigid schedule.
When he goes down for his nap, do I take advantage of that time for myself? For housework? He can take 2 naps a day, and some days more depending on how he slept the night before. But, some days, he takes a nap for 2 hours...or just 20 minutes.
It's so confusing. You need a masters degree in Housewifery. How do these "perfect" bloggers do it? How do friends and family do it? I know we're only shown what needs to be shown in order for the world to see the perfection that they want perceived but still...I'd like less than perfection! lol
How many times a week should I be vacuuming carpets? All carpets? Or just high traffic areas?
Why can't I seem to stay on top of putting away Pierce's clothes? He has a million outfits he'll never wear because they're not organized any more, just in the laundry basket....a basket that never actually leaves his room and isn't infact used to carry clean or dirty laundry anywhere. It just sits. He HAS a dresser. He also has a 3 drawer chest of drawers. Does 90-95% of his clothing ever see any of these 7 drawers? Nope.
Is that on my agenda? Yup. But, an agenda does no good if it's not written down and there's no plan of action, right?
I think I was totally overwhelmed by it all today, I cleaned and cleaned yesterday. Carpets vacuumed and even deodorized. Kitchen cleaned. 100% homemade bread baked, sliced, put away. 2 loads of laundry washed, folded, and put in the room it belongs in (see, told ya, can't get it put away in drawers). All while watching Pierce roll over for the first time, hold his own bottle for more than ten seconds (actually for 5 of his 7oz!) playing with him, getting him down for naps in his swing. I even cooked dinner last night. Homemade chicken nuggets, pasta side, and veggie (ok, that was easy, crack a can open and microwave). Soon I'll need to add "make Pierce food" to that.
So today, I just did nothing. Other than make tacos for dinner. I did nothing. Pierce and I played some, but he slept a LOT today because he had a BAD sleep night last night.
HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL?! I'm serious here, I want hints, suggestions, help!
My expectations of myself are HIGH...probably unattainable, I'm not even sure I can explain them. I know I can't explain where I get them, I don't know.
J's expectations are a home clean enough to live in, he doesn't expect immaculate. Clean laundry. Happy baby. Happy wife. Well, mostly check...check...check...mostly check.
I'm working on the housework bit, Suzy Homemaker I'm not. I'm trying to think of a cleaning schedule so that I can look at, tackle, and accomplish individual tasks. Otherwise I look at the whole big picture and get overwhelmed and my ability to get past that needs some serious work. Laundry, done, not a big deal. Now...putting it away is going to take a bit. Again, that goes back to the whole big picture; for now I'm not even dealing with our bedroom. We have clean sheets on the bed once a week and that's about all I'm even worrying about in the way of clean bedroom right now. I need to focus on the parts of the home that we live in most first.
Happy baby...done. That's the easy part for me.
Happy wife....mostly. Why mostly? I'm not on here posting about troubles in our marriage. Not at all. It's me. Again, not living up to my own expectations.
I've asked J to help me figure out a schedule. Not even a strict schedule with times. I don't want to live by a clock. I just need a guide to help me get started? Help plan my days/weeks.
After Pierce is changed, and fed, I've pumped and had my morning coffee...do I play with him for an hour? Clean? Play then clean? Can you play and clean? He's not on a strict schedule either. I just let him lead his day. J and I aren't on any schedule at home, so why force one on Pierce? He doesn't seem to need it. I know what he wants, when he signals he wants it, and I meet that need. So to me he doesn't need a rigid schedule.
When he goes down for his nap, do I take advantage of that time for myself? For housework? He can take 2 naps a day, and some days more depending on how he slept the night before. But, some days, he takes a nap for 2 hours...or just 20 minutes.
It's so confusing. You need a masters degree in Housewifery. How do these "perfect" bloggers do it? How do friends and family do it? I know we're only shown what needs to be shown in order for the world to see the perfection that they want perceived but still...I'd like less than perfection! lol
How many times a week should I be vacuuming carpets? All carpets? Or just high traffic areas?
Why can't I seem to stay on top of putting away Pierce's clothes? He has a million outfits he'll never wear because they're not organized any more, just in the laundry basket....a basket that never actually leaves his room and isn't infact used to carry clean or dirty laundry anywhere. It just sits. He HAS a dresser. He also has a 3 drawer chest of drawers. Does 90-95% of his clothing ever see any of these 7 drawers? Nope.
Is that on my agenda? Yup. But, an agenda does no good if it's not written down and there's no plan of action, right?
I think I was totally overwhelmed by it all today, I cleaned and cleaned yesterday. Carpets vacuumed and even deodorized. Kitchen cleaned. 100% homemade bread baked, sliced, put away. 2 loads of laundry washed, folded, and put in the room it belongs in (see, told ya, can't get it put away in drawers). All while watching Pierce roll over for the first time, hold his own bottle for more than ten seconds (actually for 5 of his 7oz!) playing with him, getting him down for naps in his swing. I even cooked dinner last night. Homemade chicken nuggets, pasta side, and veggie (ok, that was easy, crack a can open and microwave). Soon I'll need to add "make Pierce food" to that.
So today, I just did nothing. Other than make tacos for dinner. I did nothing. Pierce and I played some, but he slept a LOT today because he had a BAD sleep night last night.
HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL?! I'm serious here, I want hints, suggestions, help!
The balance is hard but you will find it. I have a baseline of things that HAVE to be done. They include keeping up on laundry (I dont let it pile up at all), dishes clean (not piled up in sink), mostly clean kitchen, basics in the fridge. I vacuum/sweep a couple times (3?) a week. Nothing is ever "perfect" in my house but things arent ever gross either.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how SAHMs do it! I could hardly keep a house with just a husband and dog! Just do what you can, when you can! I'm a firm believer that relationships are more important than cleaning :)
ReplyDeleteThe best advice i can give you is to take things day by day. A schedule will come naturally and change often. Amelia had gone from 7pm bedtime to 10pm bedtimes just depending on the time of the year. She has changed feeding schedules depending on what stage she was in. Just be prepared for a lot of change, especially in this first year. As far as house work goes, try and do one or two things a day so that way your not overloaded but still keeping up with the basics. I do a load of laundry a day and pick one day a week ( let's face it sometimes every two) to organize and put away all the clothes while Amy took a nap. What worked for us was to organize by size until she was in 2t for a while then we organized by outfits. As far as our clothes go we just grow them on hangers and hang me up, but to be honest most of the time they end up in a basket and stay there. As far as wife goes, me and jake try and take one of amy's naps to snuggle and watch something together, or sometimes we load amy up in the car and let her sleep while we drive around and talk about everything. i wish i could say we do this every day but once he starts in school, we try and do it at least twice a week. The last thing i can suggest is to make time for yourself as well. Whether its joining a mommy and me group and having mommy nights out, or taking time for yourself and a friend to get your nails done, a happy mom makes a happy family. You are gonna have those days where all you do is watch and play with your son, and thats ok. this whole mom thing is just taking things day by day and trying your best to do your part as a mom and wife.
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Amanda you are doing great as a stay at home mom. The important thing right now is spending time with that precious boy and you are!. You have a heathy child who radiates your love and who is always smiling. You are doing amazing!
You will be fine. Your expectations are much higher than what others expect. I think sometimes we get in our heads "what good moms do" and strive to reach these crazy standards. However, I think it ultimately comes down to are you surviving with everyone happy? If so then you are perfect.
ReplyDeleteI used to get so worried about whether Emma behaved a certain way, or the house looked a certain way and I realized that I am the only person knitpicking my life! I had to let it go, the boys will love you either way :)
"How do these "perfect" bloggers do it? How do friends and family do it?" They don't, they just crop the mess out of the pictures. I'm struggling with the same issues right now, plus a little "I'm pissed I'm the only one who ever cleans around here" thrown in. Honestly, I just do what I can when I can. The laundry is the easiest part for me though! I try to wait out doing Whit's laundry so he actually wears most of the outfits he owns (it makes me so mad when he never gets to wear something before growing out of it!) and then do a HUGE load at the end of the week. And whenever I'm putting up his stuff we go into his room with it all and as I fold/put away things, I play with him, talk with him about stuff, show him new outfits. When I'm putting up me and Ben's stuff, I sit Whit on the bed and mostly he just watches the ceiling fan and feels our sheets. I try to remind myself that everything is an opportunity for him to learn or experience something new... even if that's helping me take the trash out.
ReplyDeleteKeep your head up! You're doing great! You've already figured out the hard part: keeping the baby happy and healthy. The other stuff will work out. Have you ever read...?
Song For a Fith Child, by Ruth Hamilton. 1958
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
and out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
but I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
So when you ask yourself if you should play or clean, do what you want to do then. But remember as long as the house is still standing and everyone is alive, you've done your job right! <3 you!
I bet it is hard to figure out a routine. Most of my friends that are SAHMs say to sleep/rest when the baby sleeps, especially in the beginning and when they aren't sleeping through the night yet!!
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