Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Women Connect 2012

I know I'm late to the link up, but I've been putting a lot of thought into my post.

I want to open up to friends I've made through blogging, tell more of my story.  More of the story that makes me, me.  I hope to offer support to anyone who has been through anything similar to me.

I have mentioned before on my blog that I've had rough patches in my adulthood, but never wanted to expound on it until I started reading one blog I found through this link up...Tamara talks about something not talked about much in Blogland.  It took much courage.
No, J & I aren't getting divorced, we're fine.
But this post is to talk about my life before Jared.  B.J. if you will lol.  Actually, that sounds really bad, so we won't be calling it that lol.  

I dated a guy from my Junior year (16 years old) through graduation, moved out of my parents house shortly after graduation, and into our first apartment.  We got married a year or so later.  Without great detail since it was nearly a decade ago, it was a relationship that never should have been.  I repeat...never.  We were married about 2 years, just shy of it.  I had no proof, but 2+2 brought me to the answer as to why we were divorcing...he cheated.
Married at 19, divorced at 21.  Not the way I planned my all.  I stayed in my townhouse, I had a good job, especially for a 21 year old with no college degree.  I stayed in a town with no family, few friends.  Any family I had, I lost with the divorce.  You see, my extended family is scattered across the southeast, my parents and brother had moved to Kentucky just a year prior to my divorce.  I had to make a choice.  Stay where I was, in my townhouse, pick myself up by my boot straps and keep going forward; or pack up everything, leave my job where I had time invested, good friends, good pay, benefits, security, and move to my parents basement in Kentucky.  I probably would have found a part time job, gone back to college, and who knows where my life would have taken me.

Fast forward
Remarried at 24.  Prior to getting married, cheated on...again.  For some reason, instead of leaving, I thought I had forgiven him...come to find out looking back on it, I didn't.  Again, another relationship that never should have been.
Just shy of 3 years later, I was miserable.
I am woman enough to admit, I flirted with other men.  While married.  This is unacceptable.  Now I consider it cheating.  When you stray from your marriage and invest emotion into someone else, to me it's the same as physically cheating.  You're still seeking something from someone not your spouse.

Don't fast forward too quickly...J and I took a friendship and turned it into what it is today in just a few short months.  And if you've been following, you know we've been through a LOT.
Army boot camp, J was sent home because of heart defects...yes, plural.
Lived on one income, thankfully his grandmother is an amazing woman and let us live with her for a year.
J has a good job, funny enough, he is now working a job I had, and I'm working a job he had.
Pierce came
We became NICU veterans.
And here we are.  Strong.  Together.  Different people than we were when we met.  But, we've grown together, so that's what matters.

I had a normal, mostly sheltered childhood.  I have anxiety, nothing I'd go to a psych about to be diagnosed, but I know it's there.  A bit of OCD?  There are things that I MUST do certain ways or I just can't stand it.  But, it's not so severe that life stops.

I have learned that no matter what, each person is an individual and must be treated as such.  Just because my trust has been broken by men, doesn't mean that every man will break my trust.  Trust is earned, like respect.  Always treat your spouse exactly how you would like to be treated, especially when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex.  Should you talk to that man?  Would you want your husband to have this same conversation with another woman?  If not?  Don't.
If you feel the need to hide a relationship from your spouse (or boyfriend), you shouldn't have this relationship.  No excuses.

So...there's my story.  The story I haven't told...until now.  Maybe I won't lose any followers, but if I do I'm not sorry.  This is me.  Everything in my life has shaped me to be who I am now.



  1. Girl! I never knew you were married before! I'm proud of you for sharing your story! That's never an easy situation; I can't relate but I'm glad you've found someone via the link up to relate to!
    I totally agree with your relationship advice- regarding if you want the other to be doing something they shouldn't ;)

    Love you!!!
    Thanks for sharing this!
    I love you even more for it!

  2. I'm so glad you shared this story. Glad that you found your ever after with J and Pierce is healthy!

    I enjoy learning more about fellow bloggers.

  3. VERY proud of you for putting all this out there. And so proud to say you are one of my great friends!!!!

  4. Yay, I'm so proud of you for writing this! You're going to find so many other women who have been through similar situations! I know I've said it before, but you amaze me... going through one divorce is hard enough on me and your strength to survive a second one and come out STILL wanting to love! Everything truly happens for a reason, and we learn so much about ourselves through these bad times. So glad to have found and connected with you!

  5. I'm so glad you shared this story! It takes a lot of courage to so, still love your blog!! :)